never have her
by gallaghergrl
Summary: AU: 5-shot; multi-pairings. "It's like glimmering liquid gold. you reach out to grasp it only to have it slip through you're finger. relization dawning, that you never really had it."
1. cam fisher s e e s her

**n e v e r h a v e [h e r]**

**.**

five boys   
><span>&amp; <span>  
><span>one girl<span>

**.**

_~"it's like glimmering liquid gold. you reach out to grasp it only to have it slip through you're finger. realization dawning, that you never really had it."~_

**_._**

* * *

><p><strong>Cameron Fisher: <strong>

**{**because cam fisher will always see her.**}**

He saw her first. He loved her first. He had her first. _Cameron_ _Fisher_ would always be _Massie_ _Block's_ first love. He lost her first though, and for that he would never claim the title that _Derrick_ _Harrington_ could. He could never claim to be her first boyfriend, or any of her boyfriends for that matter.

Cameron Fisher was a coward. He was the one who loved her first, but he was also the first to let her go. He loved her from the moment they shared their first dance at one of her mother's charity galas, but he was too afraid to ever tell her. He knew that his best friend loved her too, and in fear of being rejected for Derrick, Cam gave up his first chance to be with her. And when Claire moved into the Block's guesthouse Cam was captivated with her. The Florida charm and innocence took his attention. But his heart had already stolen by Massie.

Cam first became friends with Massie after exchanging some jokes at another gala. He was the first guy to really _see_ her. To see that there was a real person behind her perfect façade. Cam saw that she had fears and was afraid to be hurt. But he also saw how brave see was when she faced all her fears. Out of every guy in BOCD, he was the first and only one who saw her when it mattered. He was the only one to see her cry. Because Cameron Fisher _always_ saw Massie Block.

Yet, Cam ignored Massie's long glazes at him, flirty emails, and those god- damn smiles and asked out _Claire_ _Lyons _instead. All because he wasn't positive of Massie's true feelings; Because it wasn't spelled out in black and white, but outlined in gray. He gave up the alpha of BOCD and settled for the girl who simply was the exact opposite of Massie in order to move on and forget her. Cam Fisher was such a coward he gave her up before he even tried.

And Cam Fisher would never forget the day he asked Claire Lyons out. He would never forget the look in Massie's eyes as Claire squealed and told her the news. Cam would never forget how her amber eyes were filled with betrayal and hurt when she turned to him and their gaze connected. He would never forget the moment he realized and really knew that Massie had loved him too, but he had been too afraid to see it. But even more so Cameron Fisher would never forget the twisted pain in his gut when he found out that Massie was dating Derrick two weeks later.

He had his chances to make up for letting her go whenever he and Claire broke up. He could have taken Massie back when he and Claire had broken up for the last and most official time, but he didn't. Because Cam Fisher _saw_ Massie and he knew that if the way one thing Massie never was, it was a coward. Because even though she was scared, she opened herself to the hurt of love, even when the chances seemed slim. Something Cameron Fisher would never do even as he learned that Derrick Harrington had too lost the most perfect girl in Westchester.


	2. derrick harrington b r e a k s her

**Derrick Harrington:**

**{**because derrick harrington will always break her.**}**

Derrick Harrington was captivated with Massie Block the moment he meet her. The amber eyes, chestnut curls, and glossy smirk captured his heart and the soccer star was head over cleats for her. Derrick Harrington was immediately in love with Massie Block. He always _broke_ her.

But that didn't mean she was in love with him. She barely paid attention to him, it felt like, But why she finally did he caught her. And he hooked her. She still didn't love him. but he could make he get there in time. After all she was the queen of the school, and he was the king, it was only right, bound to happen. If only for the stasis and stature.

But when her flaws shine through. When her sins were brought up, her mistakes counted up, he realized that maybe she wasn't a _good_ person. Then again, maybe nobody is. We're all sinners without saints it seems like. But to Derrick it just gave him proof he could hold it over her. He was better then her. Because he wasn't outwardly _mean_ like her.

No Harrington was much worse. Mean was too simply and obvious. Derrick was cruel. He took pleasure it making little remarks that put her on the edge. He enjoyed tormenting her ego. Creating impossible expectations so he could play the role of a disappointed boyfriend. Slowly killing her from the inside out. Causing her to crumble and break.

Derrick didn't realize what a girl like her was worth. To him she was demanding, jealous, bitchy, competitive, controlling, manipulating, and a tyrant at times. He justified his actions by convincing himself and everyone who listened that she deserved it.

He claimed that Massie didn't know him when he talked about her to Dylan. But maybe it had always been Derrick who didn't know Massie. Maybe it was Derrick that didn't see the girl who was tired of being what everyone else expecting and instead was just making do.

The idiot didn't even notice her pulling away. How'd she'd make excuses or avoid dates. They way her eye's never focused on him. How her voice was always hollow. He never even saw how the love that could have been, had been driven away by his inner devil.

When it all started her eyes were bright, her smile generous. Now they seemed dull brown instead of sparkling amber, and her smile stretched and tried. It was all a game to him. Hurt her before she could hurt him, because even an idiot like Derrick felt that little flutter. That impossible to hold back, sensation when he looked at her.

It was so sadistic, but maybe he did really still love her. But the weak can't have such emotions. It makes them feel powerless, and so they give in to the need to lash out and convince themselves they're still in control. But it's all a fool's errand.

Love makes _everyone_ helpless. He just couldn't have that. Couldn't admit he had a weakness, especially one what was known as the reigning queen bitch. So _Derrick Harrington_, for all the hotshot he was, would never truly have _Massie Block_ or her love because he's always feel the savage need to _break_ her.


	3. kemp hurley k n o w s her

**Kemp Hurley: **

**{**because kempy hurley will always know her.**}**

He loved her. He helped her. He was the only one who _knew_ her. _Kemp_ _Hurley_ would always be _Massie_ _Block's_ dirty little secret in a way. But never in the way you think. He was her comfort and rock through hard times. And as crazy as it sounded he was the only one she could count on the most ever since they became secret best friends right after she started dating _Derrick_ _Harrington_. But because he knew her so well he lost her.

Kemp still remembers when he first saw her at Cam's New Years Party. And he didn't fall in love with her for her looks but they ways she seemed to carry herself. So self assured and proud, like no one's words could affect her cool demeanor. It was the thing that made Kemp have to get to know her.

Kemp didn't understand her, but he knew her secrets. He was the only one who really truly _knew_ Massie. He knew she loved to skateboard secretly and they went to skate park three towns over whenever they could get away from the ever-demanding social scene, that only Kemp knew she actually hated. He knew she loved adventure and was even more ready for action than Kristen. Kemp knew Massie wasn't afraid to live. She wasn't afraid when they went rock climbing, and parachuting, she was even the one who suggested they go scuba dive. Kemp was Massie biggest secret. No one knew of their odd friendship, no one knew how often they hung out and that was because no one really knew the A-list of BOCD.

Massie knew Kemp's secrets too. She knew his father abused him before the divorce and his mom was an alcoholic. And she knew that he used to go threw girls to fill the disappointment in his messed up family and that he wasn't really a pervert at heart. She also knew he played the piano and she was the only one he let listen to him. Kemp and Massie's friendship was intimate in a way that was very different from her and Cam's. Kemp knew when Massie was upset or scared or angry. He knew that Cam and Derrick had hurt her even though she never said. And he knew he hurt her too.

Because Kemp loved Massie and Massie loved Kemp. But, he knew that if their feeling were to get out they'd both be the center of gossip at BOCD. The Alpha and the Perv? Its practically screams drama and Kemp knows Massie doesn't need it. He knows that she is still bothered by the whispers that go around about her and Derricks bad break up. He knows how much she hates the way people stare at her. Kemp _knows_ Massie.

So he sits by on the sidelines. He doesn't ask her out or make any romantic advances, though they both know how much he loves her. And when he's at the children's park with her and their swinging on the swings, dragging their feet through the mulch, he watches her face as she looks at him. And he knows she wants to hear him say he loves her out loud. He knows that she knows what he knows too, though. She understands the unspoken agreement. Not now, not soon, maybe not ever, but also maybe one day far from now.

And that makes Kemp the only person who knows Massie. He might not have seen her but he knows her he doesn't need to see tears to know when she needs help. He just feels it. Because he is not only the pervert in the tragic love story of the Perv and the Alpha, but he's also the beast in Beauty and the Beast. He will protect and love Beauty secretly despite how the rest of the world hates him. Kemp is a prince in disguise, but only Massie _knows_.


	4. chris plovert h e a r s her

**Chris Plovert:**

**{**because chris plovert will always hear her.**}**

He is the only one who ever really listens her words true meaning. He is the only one who ever knows what she is really saying. He is the only one who has ever really _heard_ her. Because _Chris_ _Plovert_ will always hear _Massie_ _Block_. But because he refused to listen to her plead he will never have her.

Chris listens to her voice. It sounds like a beautiful melody to him. Her laugh is even better; it's like bells chiming. He's been listening to her ever since the day she started dating Derrick. To him, even as she announced what should have been happy news the cheerfulness seemed forced. And he didn't understood why. But he could hear a trace of pain and regret in her voice, a trace that no one else seemed to hear. And that's when he started listening; he felt like he needed to know why.

Christopher Plovert soon is analyzing everything Massie says. He listens to how her voice and tone change according to the person she talks to and what he topic is. Soon he realizes that Massie isn't completely in love with Derrick. Not anymore.

She sounded happy with him at first. She always smiled and joked and appeared totally in love. But then eventually it all seemed to change. He can hear the way her voice breaks and wavers so slightly that, no one but him notices, when she speaks to or about Derrick. Chris doesn't know what to make of this. He doesn't know why, but she sounds broken.

He noted other things about her too. She's smarter then she lets on. He can tell by the way she can string words together so poetically. She also seems to be different from what he thought. She wasn't all about money and popularity. He could hear her life philosophies sometimes when she talked. She'd say things like "I never want any regrets" or "just live a little" and he'd realize she was special. Those little comments didn't mean much to anyone else, but to him they did. They made him realize she took what life gave her and tried to make the best of it. She saw life in a light most people didn't. It makes him wonder about her more and listen harder.

Soon he realizes, Massie knows he hears her. She knows he can hear what she's really thinking. When Massie tells Derrick she loves him Chris can tell it's a lie; and Massie knows that. And when Massie talks to Kristen he can tell that Massie doesn't believe Kristen is smart. He can hear how disappointed Massie is that Kristen is still trying so hard to please everyone. Chris hears how Massie is tired of living up to the expectations of others and not her own. And it comes to him that maybe Massie has always known he could hear her. Massie starts going out of her way to talk to him. She calls him too. On the day Derrick breaks up with her she calls Chris and he can hear the raw hurt and pain over the phone. He realizes she lets him hear her when she's weak. He also realizes she must think he's special since she doesn't do this for anyone else. He realizes he thinks she is really special too; he might even love her.

The next day he sees her at school. She was laughing with Alicia and didn't seem affected anymore. But then Cam brought up the break up. Massie says she's fine and she'll find someone better. She looks at Chris when she says this. Chris can hear what she's trying to say. She's telling him that she loves him too and she wants to be with him. She wants Chris to be that some one better. But Chris can't; because Chris is greedy. He can hear something else in her voice, it sounds like she's desperate like he wasn't her first choice. Like he wasn't special enough, but she'd have to settle. And Chris is too greedy to let himself go out with someone who didn't consider him her first love. Because Chris has always been out-shined by his friends and he's tired of not coming in first. He wants some one to think he's special. And if Massie doesn't think he is her _first_ love then he doesn't want her.

So Chris tells her in a neutral voice that he thinks Danny Robins is into her. No body in their group hears the underlying rejection that he is giving to her but Massie. And then Massie says something that twists his heart. She says that she doesn't want to be with _anybody_, and that Danny isn't special the one for her. And when she says it Chris can hear the hurt that no one else can.

And he knows, _too_ late, that he was wrong. Massie did think he was special. She did love him. So what if he wasn't he first love? The fact that she loved him should have been special _enough_. But Chris was greedy in a relationship that hadn't even started and for that he lost her. Because he refused to listen to her plead to be with him, he will _never_ have her.


	5. josh hotz u n d e r s t a n d s her

**Joshua Hotz: **

**{**because josh hots will always understand her.**}  
><strong>

Cam can see her. Chris can hear her. And Kemp knows her. But only Josh _understands_ her. Because _Josh_ _Hotz_ will always understand _Massie_ _Block_.

It sounds crazy, even crazier than Kemp and Massie's relationship, that Josh Hotz of all people was the one who truly _understood_ Massie. They barely even speak to each other. But lost souls and broken hearts always find each other.

He can remember the first time he realized how well they understood each other. It was one of Derrick's parties, before the two Alphas became an item. Massie was alone in a corner, surprisingly hiding from the spot light. He remembers watching her, catching her sad eyes with his own, watching the broken smile that formed on her lips that she couldn't seem to even hold. How she bit her bruised lips and how Josh felt like she when she looked at him with those eyes, those lost and lonely amber eyes, she had to understand. She had to feel _it_. That weight of expectations that everyone piled on them. The sadness that crept in as they both checked their phones and seemed disappointed when it was 2 am and their parents didn't even realize they were gone. The feeling you got, where you thought you had to be crazy and the struggle not to lose yourself in a world of conformity. The loneness, where you feel like no one understands. He knew she felt _it_ too.

From then on Josh felt less empty when he was with or thought about Massie. He understood he wasn't alone any more. They were alike. They were the _same_. They're both terrible people too.

Breaking hearts along with their own. Undecided. They fall so easily and hide it so well. It seemed like they somehow always loved the people who would always break their hearts and took the hearts of others in the process that they'd never love back. They captured hearts like spiders do to flies. But their own tangle love lives were stuck in the web too.

Josh understands Massie. Josh maybe even sort of loves Massie. But he defiantly loves Alicia. And Massie understands him, and she maybe even loves him, but she also understand she's just not the one for him. Kindred souls find each other but they don't always belong together romantically. While they may understand each other, they simply aren't meant to be. It's just not in the cards. Josh _understands_ Massie, and maybe because of that he knows exactly why he will _never_ have her.


	6. insert epilogue to come

**{insert epilogue to come}**


End file.
